Our Story (from one point of view): Part One

Once upon a time, a little girl moved from the Big Apple out to the fresh air and mountains of South Dakota’s Black Hills. On her first day of school in Hot Springs, second grade, she noticed a boy across the room. She didn’t know his name, but he had very, very blond hair and a little scar on his temple from where he had scratched at his chicken pox. She had never had chicken pox. (More on that later.)

After that, they weren’t in the same homeroom very often, and she didn’t pay much attention to him. Their families went to the same church, and they were in youth group together in middle school.  She had a crush on his best friend at one point. They were both in band, both played flute. She was first chair. He wasn’t very good. Until he got put on bass drum in the marching band. He had rhythm, that’s for sure.

In high school, they both joined debate. Both still in band. Both in theater. (In Hot Springs you didn’t specialize. There just weren’t enough students. Everyone was a generalist.) During sophomore year, he started paying attention to her. Talking to her more than just the general ways classmates do. He finally asked her out over Christmas break. It was a dance with the local band Ivory playing. (Clap if you remember them. Yeah, two of you. That’s what I thought.) He drove his grandma’s car, and she got friends to buy beer for her. The ride home was not a pretty sight.

Still, he asked her out again. (In those days, you asked a girl out. You dated. You actually went on dates to do things.) Until they were pretty much a thing. She was 15. They went to lots of movies and lots of dances. More beer was involved. (That’s pretty much what you had in Hot Springs.)

They went to debate camp the next summer, and that’s where they started to fall in love. And that’s when they also realized they’d be excellent debate partners. During  junior and senior years, they won many, many debate tournaments, theater contests, band festivals, etc. They spent an awful lot of time together. Her parents worried. But he was a nice boy.

Oh, things happened. They got into some troubles. Those aren’t important. What’s important is that they loved each other. Then they graduated. She was valedictorian. He was a national merit scholar. They went to separate colleges. She was miserable. She had a car accident. She sprained her ankle multiple times. She hated being apart from him. So she transferred and life was back on track. They spent their college years at Carleton. He ran cross country and acted in theater. She played flute and wrote plays. Neither of them did debate.

They graduated. She was cum laude. He got distinction in his major. Then they got married. That was June 20, 1984. Twenty-nine years ago. That’s not the end of the story, but that’s how the story began. 

Not an A Student

The end of the school year always comes with those assemblies where students get all kinds of awards. I remember when my kids were in elementary school, there were awards for perfect attendance. I always wondered how in the world that student was never sick, never had a dentist appointment, never had to take a day off to travel to see family for a holiday or special event. Was it really such an accomplishment?

I am not writing about our weird society that rewards kids for showing up and trying. Although that is a worthy topic of discussion, it’s not what I’m about today.

I’m here to talk about all the kids who don’t earn an award. Does that mean they are somehow less worthy of our acknowledgements?  I don’t think so. And I’m not here to laud the wonderful strength of students who, say, graduate despite all the odds against them, whatever they might be. I’m here to write about the ordinary kids who are usually not on anyone’s radar.

So, okay, I’m going to use my own son, Peter, as an example. Of course, I think Peter is extraordinary, but you don’t know him, so you probably don’t share my bias. There are a lot of qualities Peter has that make him awesome, but the ones I want to talk about today involve his attitudes toward school, learning, and matters of the mind.

As just a general example, Peter’s attitude about grades is approximately the opposite of most students I know. His belief is this: if he knows the subject matter, feels he has a reasonably good grasp and mastery of it, then he has no need to prove that to his teachers or his peers by jumping through what he sees as unnecessary hoops in order to get a good grade. To some, this might look like laziness. He doesn’t see any point in studying until 3:00 a.m. in order to get an A. He figures if he goes to class, pays attention, does his homework, and understands what he has learned, studying isn’t going to get him that much further. He knows what he knows. The end result of this attitude is that he doesn’t feel the need to do mindless extra credit work, doesn’t feel the need to do test corrections, doesn’t feel excessively compelled to turn in every last scrap of paper called homework.

Some parents would probably freak out over this. I mean, he doesn’t get straight A’s. Even though I’m pretty certain he could if he ramped up his effort the tiniest bit. He is wholly unmotivated by gold stars and letters on a transcript. But this doesn’t mean he is unmotivated. His motivation is internal, not external. I personally think this is a good thing. You know those job announcements that constantly want applicants who are self-motivated? Creative? Able to work without supervision? That’s Peter.

Sometimes Peter’s attitudes are at odds with his peers, which can tend to make him seem antisocial. For example, often in school, other students seem to be primarily interested in spending class time chatting, laughing, and generally not doing their work. (These are often, ironically, the same students who freak out if they don’t get a good grade and who stay up until 3:00 a.m. studying for a test.) Peter gets annoyed by these kids. He has said repeatedly that he wants to learn. He is there to learn. His motivation is not for the grade, but for the knowledge. One girl in his English class, for example, spent her class time applying fingernail polish. When Peter commented about this on a facebook post, she got upset because she felt he was calling her stupid. I think he just meant that he wanted to focus on class and the fumes from her nail polish made that difficult.

Then there’s English class. Peter is definitely a science geek, but he also has pretty good language and literature knowledge. When his class read Taming of the Shrew, he was the only one who had ever seen it produced. He was the only one who knew what the basic plot was. He was, from what I have heard, one of the few who was not completely freaked out by Elizabethan English. One of his English papers this year had to do with symbolism found in the piece of literature they were reading at the time.  Assignments like this frustrate the hell out of this kid. He doesn’t like to look at literature as “what is the author trying to say?” He would rather ask “what impact does this literature have on me?” (As an author and an English major, I wholeheartedly support this approach.) So in this particular paper, Peter quoted John Green, one of his favorite authors, who says when the author says the curtains are blue, he just means they are blue. He’s not trying to symbolize sadness or something. In short, Peter’s paper pretty much ignored the assigned task, but engaged in the literary work in a very real way, and for that he received 100%. Because he showed the teacher that he was actually thinking, and not just regurgitating what he thought she wanted to hear, he made a statement. The teacher could have easily given him a different grade because he didn’t really complete the assignment, but I give her credit for acknowledging that he had actually been more engaged in the assignment than anyone else in class.

Because of experiences like that, Peter has enjoyed his English class more than he expected to, despite the nail polish girl and the kids who wanted to watch videos rather than do work. While there are a lot of things I did not appreciate about this particular teacher, I think she did see that he was actually thinking about what they covered in class in a way that other kids weren’t.

Peter understands that if he wanted to, he could get straight A’s. And he knows that colleges will be looking at his GPA. And I’ve talked to him about how useful scholarships are for college. He may decide in the next school year that those rewards are worth jumping through a few more hoops than he might like. If not, he understands that certain doors may not open for him. Which is kind of sad for those on the other sides of the doors. I mean, if I were a college admissions officer of an elite science oriented school, I think I might be interested in a student who outfits his own personal chemistry lab at home for the summer, because he loves chemistry that much. I might want to encourage a student who thinks curiosity is the most important quality, because it leads to trying things in different ways until one gets the desired results.  I might find it interesting that this kid is learning a fictional language from a computer game, even creating clay tablets on which to write this language, not because he has to, but because he is fascinated by it. I might even want to invest scholarship money in someone who is so curious about life that he’d rather just learn than get a certain grade.

It reminds me of the joke my husband’s law school buddies used to tell, which bears a shocking truth. The A students became law professors—which doesn’t pay all that well. The B students became judges—again, not extremely high paying. And the C students became the litigators earning the big bucks. Now this is not to say that money is the end all. That is the last thing I’m about. However, it does pose an interesting idea. Being a C student doesn’t mean you won’t succeed. Book learning is not everything. (And yes, it feels somewhat blasphemous for me to say that, as the intellectual book geek that I am.) The practical ability to solve real-world issues is perhaps the greater good. And often, those people aren’t the ones earning all the top awards at end-of-year assemblies. They’re the ones quietly doing chemistry in their bedrooms over the summer. 

The Universe

     From time to time, I feel this desire to try to express my spiritual beliefs. I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s because I don’t fit into any mold and it feels odd.

     The holiest days for most religions sort of heighten this odd-one-out feeling for me. Bernie Zaleha, a friend I met while attending the Boise Unitarian Universalist Fellowship years ago has probably put it into words better than anyone. But I don’t want to merely reiterate him.

     For most of my adult life, I have attended United Methodist churches, save for about 7 years at BUUF. This really explains nothing of my beliefs except that I was raised in a protestant church with a Methodist minister, and so that probably has felt the most comfortable. Also, my kids have loved being in the choir program at this church we’ve called home for the last 23 years, and that’s a good enough reason for me. I love music, it is one of my spiritual practices, so a church with awesome music is a no-brainer for me.

     What do I actually believe? Sometimes it’s easier to say what you don’t believe.  I’ll attempt to do both here.

     I do believe in God, just not the God that most people mean when they say the word. I only refer to this presence as God because it seems the word understood by most people. I’ve also called this presence the Universe, Nature, Spirit, Holy, Goddess, Mother Earth, and probably some other things. Elizabeth Greene, the soon-to-be-retired minister at BUUF, has a prayer I remember well from my years there, in which she invokes the Spirit who goes by many names and yet remains untamed by human naming. That speaks it perfectly for me. Our names are wholly inadequate for the massiveness of the Holy. So sometimes I use God just because it’s easier than explaining my entire belief system. For the purposes of this reflection, I think I will use Universe, because that is usually the word I use in my own head.

     What I believe about this spiritual force, the Universe, is that something created this immensely complex and amazing world—the stars, the planets, black holes, trees, water, alligators, puppies, babies, our skeletons, and all of it. I fully believe this force acted not by accident or luck, but by some order.  It might be called science, physics, astronomy, evolution, but it has an order and purpose to it. The creative force, the Universe, continues to create all the time, evolving this creation more all the time.

     The Universe isn't just a creator that made the world and retreated. The Universe IS the world. The spirit IS the trees, the rocks, the people, the magma, the oceans, the clouds, everything. Yes, I’m saying God is not a being or spirit separate from us, in heaven somewhere else. God is right here, in everything around us, in us, part of us and connecting all of us and all of creation.

     Music, literature, art, human creations of all kinds can be seen as our attempts to connect to this holiness, our way to express what we feel. The best of our creative endeavors come close. I often say music is my religion. Music has the power to make me truly feel the presence of the Holy. So does lifting up my eyes to where the mountaintops meet the sky. Or watching a river splash over chunks of ancient granite.

     I think another way we search for the Holy is to join together in community—hence religion. As I understand it, most societies of people manage to form some sort of religious community. Yes, religion has also been used as a means of oppression and genocide. It’s a human construct, therefore subject to human failings. I have studied the beliefs of several major world religions, and one thing I see that they all have in common is some form of the golden rule: treat others as you would like to be treated.  Love your neighbor as yourself. In fact, I find religions have more things in common than differences.

     So. . . what do I believe about Christianity? I believe in Jesus. He was a historical person. He lived.  I’m not sure I believe the virgin birth story. It doesn’t really matter to me. Jesus was divine because we are all divine. The Holy lives in us. One of my favorite affirmations of faith in the UMC hymnbook describes how God works in us and others by the spirit. That spirit lives in us.

     I think Jesus had some important messages for us. One was that we need to live radically, refusing to accept oppression, but seeking to right injustice and taking care of the poor, sick, elderly, disenfranchised.  He defied the religion of his youth to a large degree. He felt it had become corrupted by greed and posturing and laws. He preached about loving our enemies. He told us the kingdom of God is at hand. I don’t believe he meant heaven, as in an afterlife where those who believe get to go. I believe he meant it was at hand, as in right here, right now, as in all around us in all of creation. We are already in the kingdom of God. We should bloody well start acting like it.

     Every religion has its mythology—and by this I don’t mean myths as in untruths, but myths as in the things that get passed down and repeated. I can’t say for sure that Jesus rose and lived after death. And personally I don’t think it matters. Marcus Borg, one of the best contemporary Christian writers today in my opinion, talks about the Easter Jesus as being the beginning of our own rebirth into a new way of thinking, and more importantly, a new way of acting. A new way of seeing our world.

     Because I don’t believe in a heaven and hell, nor do I believe in God as a judge who punishes those who don’t believe, it doesn’t matter to me whether Jesus experienced a physical resurrection or not. I don’t need to believe in that version of events to experience the Holy, or the Kingdom. I live in the Holy in the Kingdom every moment.

     As for the Bible, I think it’s an interesting set of writings. I don’t believe it’s some infallible word of God that is every word of it true. I believe a lot of it is allegory, metaphor, poetry. I believe the original words of the Bible have been translated and changed so many times—not to mention that language itself changes over time too—that it is nearly impossible to figure out what the original texts actually said. Even then, words are always open to interpretation. And I think the Universe graced us with incredible minds not so that we could close them down and accept blindly all that is told to us, but so that we could use them to create our own understanding and interpretations.

     Also, the Bible was selected by humans. We know for a fact that there were quite a few other gospels about Jesus that did not get approved by those who selected the books of the New Testament. They depict different things about Jesus. The Old Testament has been dissected for centuries by Jewish scholars. So neither is it inherently perfect as written.

     I believe there are plenty of writings that evoke the Holy just as much as the Bible. Some of them are holy books in their own faith traditions and some are just really wonderful books. Things like To Kill a Mockingbird. Hardly considered by most to be a spiritual text, but the spirit comes through in that story, at least to me. Powerful literature shares universal and sacred truths.

     As for other religions besides Christianity, the ones I am most familiar with are Judaism and Buddhism. What I like about the Jewish faith is the highly earth-based rituals. The observance of seasonal changes. The taking time out for one complete day of spiritual focus. I like the Sukkoth in the fall, the Passover in the spring. I like the Rosh Hashanah tradition of throwing your breadcrumbs in the river to float away, like starting the new year with a clean slate.  I don’t like the legalistic aspects of some versions of Judaism, but I don’t like the legalistic aspects of fundamentalist Christianity either, so this isn’t specific to Judaism. The parts of Buddhism I find appealing are the focus on not doing harm to any living thing. It appeals to my sensibilities toward nature and my non-violent approach to other humans. I like the way Buddhist meditation turns one inward, toward the Holy that is in ourselves, for guidance and renewal and sustenance.

     I am somewhat familiar with Wicca, witchcraft, the Goddess movement, as well. Some of those believers might chastise me that those are three different things. And maybe they are. I don’t pretend to be an expert. But what I can say is that I love the earth based, seasonal rituals of this belief system. I love celebrating the winter solstice, as well as the summer solstice, the equinoxes, and the movement of the moon. These are special and spiritual events through the year, and I find them highly meaningful.

     My point here is to examine what I like of different religions. I find them all beautiful and useful. My goal on this journey is to focus on the pieces of religion that speak to me. Many people will say you can’t do that. My reply is, oh yes I can. So maybe I don’t fit in with your view of Christianity, but I consider myself primarily a Christian by religion. That is my background and that is the language of religion that I am familiar with. And that is probably why I identify with the Methodist church—there is no dogma. There is no judgment. There is love. Questioning is allowed, not frowned upon. I know several branches of Christianity that disapprove vehemently of anyone who dares to question the authority of the church. That’s not me. I always question authority of any kind.

     Pastor Duane, my pastor, talks about the name of God from the Old Testament: Yahweh. It’s breath. Yah—breathing in. Weh—breathing out. It’s chi, the energy force in many eastern traditions. The very beginning and ending of all that we can see, hear, taste, touch, or smell. Or experience in our souls, beyond sensory input or human understanding. It is what it is. All I need to do is to remember that. Connect to that. And the kingdom of the Spirit is at hand, within me. In one of those other testaments of Jesus, I think in the Gospel of Thomas, Jesus says—If you bring forth what is within you, it will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, it will destroy you. And what is within us? Why, the Holy, of course.  If we could all bring that forth, imagine what a resurrection this world would experience. That is something to which I can holler “Hallelujah!”

What I know of Love

Here is what I know of love:

Real love is unconditional. It doesn't come and go. You don't love someone and then stop loving them. Romantic infatuation--that's another story. That can come and go a whole bunch. Unfortunately, too many people think that is real love. It's not. Real love is the fine, tested metal left after the impurities have been melted away, after the infatuation is gone.

Real love doesn't use the vocabulary "you," "me," "I." It's "WE." This is not to say that you lose your individuality. Real love allows that what's best for each individual is also best for the partner, and best for the couple. Real love knows that in a partnership, sometimes one partner's dream, needs, desires are temporarily the priority. Real love knows that at another time, it will be the other partner's turn. Real love doesn't keep score or count minutes, numbers, who does how many household chores or changes how many diapers. Real love knows it's all for the benefit of the couple.

Real love isn't sacrificial, though. It isn't hard. When you truly love another, you want the best for that person in every way. Having that person's best interests at heart doesn't negate your own best interests at all. It just means that this other person is important, so thinking of him, cheering him on, being there for him is not a sacrifice. It is a joyous piece of your life. It's easy to want to do those things. I'm not saying everything is easy when you love someone. Humans are messy, annoying, troublesome creatures. If you are married or in a long term relationship with the one you love, tending that relationship/marriage can have its difficulties, but the love is not the hard part. The hard part might be contending the human flaws of another person, but the love--that's easy.

Love gets better with age, maturity, shared memories, a life of partnering. Sure, the excitement of new love, young love, is fun, special, magical. But if real love is to be reached, that new love phase has to end. Not saying that real love isn't fun or special. It's a deeper fun and a deeper special. You hear people say things like they love their spouse more and more every day. When real love is present, this is so true. Love grows and expands. If it doesn't, that's not real love. Real love cannot contract.

Pure love does not need to make time for romance. There can be such romance sitting together in the same room in utter silence. That love doesn't need words, or gifts, or diamonds, or other people to see how in love you are. That love is pure and real and simple. Real love's romance can be as simple as a "thank you" or as grand a gesture as shouting from a mountaintop. It can be an inside joke. Or a bowl of soup when you're sick.

Real love is dependable. It won't be gone tomorrow if you mess things up today. It has a deep connection to forgiveness, compassion, friendship. It doesn't have to show off for others. It just is.

I am fortunate to have this kind of love in my life. My family, especially my husband, show love in many ways to me. I hope I return it in kind as often as possible. To the love of my life, might I just add that your good humor and patience demonstrate your love every single day. Your love is a safe, warm, delightful place where I am my best. Je t'aime.

How Could This Happen?

I am a writer. I process things that happen by writing. After the recent tragic shooting in Connecticut and all the other horrific acts that happen around us every day, I feel the need to process the craziness of this world. Maybe my words will reflect how you feel. I often find it a comfort when I read something by another soul who expresses just what I was feeling. If this happens for you as you read my words, I am glad. If not, that's okay.

I know a lot of people will cry out for more gun control, and I totally agree with this sentiment. If any one of the shooters of the last year had not had access to guns, the death toll would be significantly reduced. Maybe to zero. Twenty children would still get to open their Christmas presents. I have been an advocate for gun control since I became politically conscious. Rachel Maddow, one of my favorite TV commentators, had a segment last night about how even members of the NRA believe in certain controls on guns. No one I know wants to take away our 2nd amendment, just keep guns out of the hands of people who will go around shooting into crowds. But just because we have a right, doesn't make it right. I think most of us don't own guns, and those who do own hunting rifles or hand guns. But why does anyone need to own a gun designed to rapid fire many rounds at a time? They don't. Plain and simple.

Still, this has bigger ramifications than merely gun control. No sane person grabs four  automatic guns and enters a school with the intent to kill people. We are a world of troubled souls and damaged minds. Yes, we need better mental health care, for sure. Good mental health care is essential. I have lived with depression for most of my life. It has not been fun. I have been on meds for some ten or twelve years now, and that has made my life so much better. I'm sure it has helped people around me be happier too. I know I was not my best self, not even close. And I have a supportive, loving husband. So if it took me decades to get the help I needed even with all the support I had, how many people who need mental health care don't have that support network?

A couple of decades ago, due to budget cuts, mental health patients got ousted onto the streets. Was it worth it, folks? Wouldn't you have rather paid more taxes in order to help these people rather than have a rising death count. Disclaimer: I am well aware that not all crazy shooters have even been in the health care system. Which brings me to my next point. People with mental health issues are all around us, seemingly functional. Hiding it well. We cannot, and should not, ignore them. When someone comes into your life who clearly needs help, help them. I work with teenagers, and many of them have lives that would make any of us cringe, and they need to know that someone in this world cares about them, loves them, will come when they ask for help. Be that to someone. It might not be a teen. It might be a co-worker, a spouse even. Our society does not make it easy to be a person who doesn't fit the mold. That hurts. Try to move out of your comfort zone and include someone different. It might save some lives, even if it's only the one life of that person.

People of my parents' generation, and indeed even my own generation, will lament that our world grows more evil all the time. I disagree. There was Hitler, Stalin, the Inquisition, Jack the Ripper. Even less infamous people throughout human existence have brought death and evil with them. No, the world is not worse than ever. I think we deceive ourselves if we think this way. Part of what is different, though, is the 24 hour media that has to report on every single second of our lives. Every day, the newspaper if filled with gruesome stories of man's inhumanity to man. It may seem worse than in past decades and centuries, but that's only because we are privy to the images, the words, the knowledge of all of it. A hundred years ago, Boise, where I live, was a relatively isolated place, far from most of civilization. I doubt people here ever heard news of much that happened elsewhere.

Here's the part I think disturbs us most: We allow it all. I remember as a kid I loved reading stories about brave people in the face of the Nazis. I wondered how the rest of the world could have let Hitler get away with killing six million people. The common response to that question was, "We didn't know." We don't have that excuse now, with our constant media circus. We know. All of it. And we do nothing. This is the society we have created. Not the president. Not the congress. Not the governors. Us.

And that is the scariest reality, because we know, deep down, that any one of us has the same capacity for evil acts as the next person. I'm not saying this from a preachy, we're-all-sinners, kind of view point. I'm saying we all have shadow sides, which we mostly like to keep hidden and not think about. We like to pretend that we would never do such horrible things. Yet we allow them to happen every day. We tut-tut and go about our business as if we are not complicit. But we are. Every act is part of us. All humanity is connected.

And that's the good thing, too. All humanity is connected. That means our grief is shared. We hold each other through tragedy. The shadow side lurks and ruins, but the side of light is miraculously evident, too. We are constantly amazing and wonderful, even as we are atrocious and horrible. Perhaps if we stopped running from the truth about ourselves, perhaps if we embraced all that is human in us, we might find our way to an answer. If we feared ourselves less, we might fear each other less. We might reach out in compassion more. We might be able to let go of us-them thinking and remember that we are we.

I wrote two poems this week. One I already posted on facebook, but here it is again. Followed by a poem version of this essay. I believe the only way to change our world is to change ourselves and how we interact with each other. Caring for those whom society deems outcasts. The poor, the disabled, the left out, the homeless, the crazy ones, the lesser-thans. The least of these.

The Only Thing

The only thing

I can do

in this madness

is to love

to create peace

where I can

to hold in my heart

the wounded

the poor

the sick

the sad

the only thing

I can do

is live

by the spirit within

and hope

to give enough

of myself

to make

some difference

When They Ask

When they ask

How did we let this happen?

Say to them

I did nothing to stop it.

Did you?

This is the culture

We have all perpetuated.

We all committed this act

Because we are a society

Of violence

Of intolerance

Of guns and killing

Of hatred

When did we sow seeds of love?

When did we help someone in pain

So bad that he might think the only way

Out

Was to kill and then die?

When did we say

It is my responsibility?

As a citizen, I own up.

I did it.

Because of my inaction

Things happened.

Because I was too busy,

Lives ended.

How many times do we have to

Relive this

To realize we need to

ACT?

Not with more guns

Not with more fear

Not with more anger.

Act now

With love

Care for those on the edge

The fringe

Do you even see them?

They feel invisible,

So is it any wonder they

Believe

Their actions aren’t important?

Reach out

To the weak

To the crazy

To the suffering in silence

To the odd one out

To the desperate

It’s easier to ignore

But that

Is how we let this happen.

Merry Christmas and Everything

So, hello there family and friends. It's the first Sunday of Advent, and I'm actually going to write you an update of our year for Christmas this year. Wow! When was the last time I did that? I'm feeling awfully conformist just now, but I hope to get over it.

Possibly you follow my blog or you read my facebook posts and you know much of what's contained in this post. If so, my apologies. I will try really hard not to repeat things I've said in the past, because, well, read my blog. jensentresbien.blogspot.com.

Life has been busy and interesting this year, to say the least. We've had the good fortune to have pretty much only good news to share.

David's dad finally moved out of his ginormous big house this year, and we started the year gathering with the rest of the Jensen clan to divide up as much of three generations of stuff as we could. I told David we had to keep the take to a minimum, and we did, relatively speaking. We acquired a mere 12 boxes of books about hiking/travel, for which we had to get a new bookcase. Thank goodness the girls have moved out, because their room is fast being filled with all books that enter our house. At various times, one or more of Les's four children were in Ashland during the first few months of the year, helping sort through a lifetime of stuff. In the end, three--yes, three--storage units were rented and Les moved into a condo. One of the nicest things we got was a lovely set of china that belonged to David's great grandmother. We've never had a set of china before, so this is a treat. The children were not enthralled by spending a week of their lives being dragged to Ashland to sit around and watch their elders negotiate family heirlooms, but they acted like troopers anyway. Melissa said that since she is the eldest of her generation, when we all die she plans to throw it all away. I told her to go for it. This whole thing has inspired me to begin massively paring down, especially the paper monster that occupies our lives. I say "inspired" because I have yet to actually take any action.

Boy Scouts on snowshoeing weekend in February. Peter is third from the left.

Peter at high adventure camp in the Tetons

Peter in Disneyland with friends from
Epworth Chorale, the church youth choir.
He's the one with the hat.

Peter spends a large number of hours of his life with boy scouts. His troop started a venturing crew in June, which is a branch of scouting for 14-21 year olds, and it is co-ed. He is the president of the crew, as well as senior patrol leader of the scout troop. Peter is working on his Eagle rank. As a sophomore in high school, this is his first year at Boise High. Yes, here in Boise, you are still in junior high your freshman year, even though your grades still count on your high school GPA. He spent the fall in marching band, many hours of practicing and marching. Like a lot of percussionists, Peter drums on anything--the shower wall, the table, his leg. Peter has succeeded in hooking Neysa, Melissa, and Emily on Doctor Who, and he is in heaven, because we actually know what he's talking about. He hopes to start a Doctor Who club at school. Peter's loves chemistry. He has always liked science, and last year he had physical science, which included a fair amount of chemistry. But now he has full-blown chemistry and just eats is up. This makes perfect sense because he's always loved fire and explosions (big fan of Mythbusters). He has thought of going into engineering, and now he's thinking more specifically chemical engineering, and more specific yet, nuclear engineering. He recently told me his goal is to help figure out how to tame cold fusion into a usable energy resource. (At least I think that's what he said. I don't understand a lot of what he says, because it's been way over my head for years now.) Speaking of over my head, Peter has now surpassed David in height, not by much just yet, but still, the tallest in the family.

Emily with her flight instructor, Rick, after she soloed

Emily's crazy cat, Luna

Emily loved seeing the Spruce Goose in Oregon
on a girls only trip with Neysa and Melissa

Our other science geek is Emily. I think you knew that. She's majoring in physics and hopes to go on to study astrophysics and become an astronaut. She's minoring in Chinese and computer science. And just recently, she announced she might as well double major in applied mathematics, since she has to take most of the courses for that in physics anyway. Yikes. She has kept up a great GPA and gets some scholarship money for this. Now she has a job in the physics department and will be assisting in some research starting next semester. And Boise State is going to send her to a physics conference in January. Wow. Can a person be too smart? She's only a sophomore! Well, technically, she's got enough credits to be a junior, but she's only in her second year. (I know.) All this PLUS she is working on her pilot's license and just soloed this fall. She was way excited. AND she is writing, always writing. Whew. Emily has the sweetest boyfriend, Isaac, whom we adore and who fits nicely into our family. He has a wry sense of humor, a positive outlook, and a non-conformist lifestyle. I've known his family since La Leche League days. (Emily says I know everyone in her generation from La Leche League, and it's kinda true.)

Melissa on the right with her friend Ashley, making cookies

Melissa's "favorite place in the world" at Cape Blanco, Oregon

Melissa is a senior. (I joke that she has been a senior for a long time now. But hey, no shame in going to school as long as you possibly can get away with it. She LOVES school.) So she'll graduate either next May or next December. (Place your bets now. Odds are about even--Ha, I just made a pun.) Major in history, minor in political science. Not surprisingly, if you know Melissa, her favorite historical subject is anything involving Britain in the medieval or early modern periods. You should see her get giddy over a Britain class. Crazy. She's been debating whether she wants to go to graduate school to become a history professor or apply to law school. (Yeah, I was hoping to get out of parenthood without adding lawyers to the world, so sorry folks.) At this point, last I heard--because she hasn't made any specific plans--she will graduate and get a job while deciding what to do next. I'm always in favor of gainful employment. It will be weird for her not to be in school. She continues writing as well, and I think both girls are more prolific than I am.

Melissa at the Oregon coast on our girls only trip

Spent an August afternoon here with my girls

However, I may have beat them this year. I have attended six, count 'em, six, writing conferences or workshops this year. And what do I have to show for it? Two completed-through-first-revision novels. I have spent a lot of time learning a deeper level of craft and I think it has made writing more fun, easier to get right the first time (or second), and definitely more empowering. So now, it's time to be submitting these while revising two other novels that I have new insights for, as well as getting started on my next new manuscript. I have it almost completely written in my head. The hard part is transferring that to the page. Could they please just invent a telepathic transcriber? My freelance work has been full of interesting topics. I edited books on the history of the Idaho Education Association, the history of falconry in America, a novel about Haiti, a medical thriller, and a quiet novel about a father trying to get it right. And I wrote web content about Idaho for a travel site .

I took one bagpipe lesson, have practiced bagpipes approximately twice, and do plan to keep at it. It's not the highest thing on my list of priorities, but I just decided about a year ago that it would be a fun instrument to learn. It's very hard, because many of the flute/recorder techniques are diametrically different on bagpipes--you don't tongue, your fingers must be straight, for example. I did learn alto recorder this year, thanks to weekly sessions with my friend Pam. Now we aim to learn bass recorder.

Neysa at Glen Falls High Sierra Camp in Yosemite.
How I do love a waterfall.

Of course, one of my biggest goals for this year was visiting Yosemite for my 50th birthday. You can read all about it on my blog. It was a huge deal for me on many levels. First, major birthday. Second, I was born there and we moved away when I was about two years old, so I remembered nothing. Third, my parents, brothers, and husband came with me. Fourth, I backpacked about 17 miles at elevations I rarely visit. It was a pilgrimage of a lifetime, and now I hope to return to that magical land as often as possible.

I find myself spending more and more time being happy and worrying less about what others think of me, whether I'm measuring up, or weather I'm getting it right. The older I get, the less I care about inconsequential stuff like that, and I care more about justice in the world, making a statement, having some sort of positive impact.

David in Yosemite

David and Neysa at the beginning of three days of backpacking in Yosemite

There is this man in our lives who is always working, always there, always caring for his family. He is the best guy to be married to. He has proven this year that his Fabulous Mr. Fix-it skills cannot be rivaled. He kept me going on the 8 miles up, up, up at over 9,000 feet. He is the scout master/crew advisor extraordinaire, my TV buddy for shows like Covert Affairs, Burn Notice, Leverage, The Good Wife, and a few others. He is like the quiet engine that keeps our family on track. He trained with me for our backpacking adventure, reads aloud to me every night, ponders the idiocies of some people's political stupidity with me, and manages to do all this with a sense of humor that defies all that is wrong in the world. David is the very best of what a husband and father should be, even if he does have a few bad habits. (Okay, maybe more than a few, but we shall leave those alone for now.)

The interesting lessons of this year for me have been how really strong I am physically, and how much I love hiking. No surprise really--I did spend most of my childhood scrambling around the hills at Wind Cave and at my parents' ranch. My travels around the western U.S. have affirmed to me that Boise is my true home. I could not ask for a better suited place to live. There are many beautiful spots in this amazing world, and this one is mine.

John Muir and I agree that God is in the mountaintops.
This is the view I woke up to on my 50th birthday. May Lake.

Can You Stand Some Actual, Personal Insights about (gah!) the Elections?

I've been contemplating writing this blog for a while. Most people who know me know how I stand on the issues and the candidates, but perhaps there are a few souls out there who still haven't decided and wish someone with some common sense and nothing to gain would step up and give some intelligent reasons for voting one way or another. Well, your prayers have been answered. Here I am. I am intelligent. I have thought through these issues. I don't listen to the spin. I understand the long term, and I tend to vote for reasons other than my pocketbook. I tend to vote for people and propositions that will make life better not just for me, but mostly for people who do not have the luck to be comfortable financially the way my family has. So here are the how's and why's of my vote on candidates and issues that I feel are important. Pass it on if you think it will help someone decide. Even if they decide to vote the opposite of me. (I'm used to that.)

I'm going to start with issues affecting Idaho first. If you don't live in Idaho but you love politics, you could read this. Otherwise, skip down. The Luna laws, as I call them, were passed last year and are currently in effect. (Notice any improvement? Me neither.) These laws are on the ballot to be repealed, otherwise known as Props 1, 2, and 3. Both sides of this issue have spent more campaigning about this than any other election in Idaho politics. It's obviously a hot button topic. Basically, Tom Luna, our superintendent of public schools, whose campaign was funded heavily by online curricula producers, came out with this batch of laws during the last legislative session. He called them students come first laws. I call them stupid.

The spin on this has been heavy from both sides. The supporters claim that it's just the union bosses (teachers' unions) that are against these laws. First, that's not true. I don't belong to any union, and I have protested in the freezing cold of January against these laws. Basically, they fall into a few categories. Here are the parts I know and understand: The law will require that all high school students take a certain number of credits online. (Hmmm, and who funded Luna's campaign?) While I am not against online education--in fact all of my children have taken several online classes in high school and college--I am not in favor of requiring it. Nor am I in favor of the state giving out laptops to all students. That's a recipe for all kinds of disasters. And expenses. Usually I'm all for putting as much money as possible into education, but this is just a waste of money. This week, we found out the state has signed a contract with HP for the laptops--arguably the worst laptops on the market. If this is their idea of smart investment of the wasted money, then that's reason enough in my book to vote against it. But the real issue is this: are all students going to learn best this way? Luna wouldn't know, as he never asked for input from teachers/parents/students, nor has he ever worked in the education field, so he's just taking a shot in the dark, and missing the target, which is to help students. He claims our schools need to enter the 21st century, but if he spent ANY time there, he would see they already are.

Another piece of the Luna laws has to do with merit pay for teachers. While the concept of merit pay sounds nice--I want all teachers who are doing great to be acknowledged and rewarded--this version of merit pay does not receive support even from the best teachers (especially the best teachers). Why? First, most teachers have experienced sharp cuts in pay over the last few years, because our legislature doesn't value education. (My own spin, but I think it's pretty accurate.) Now, they are told, they have to earn it back as a "bonus." And that's not all. It's not based on individual teachers and how good they are. It's based on how well a whole school full of students performs on tests. I'm not a fan of standardized testing (which will have to be a conversation reserved for another time), but even if I were, it's not a way to determine merit pay. Often, the best teachers are working in schools with low income/minority students, who traditionally perform the worst on standardized tests, and thus those teachers wouldn't get their merit pay. Stupid, if you ask me (which you did, remember, in your prayers?).

Another piece is very complicated and I probably won't do it justice here. But it has to do with collective bargaining. I had to have some teachers who have experience in negotiating teacher contracts explain this to me. Here's a summary: Every year, teachers have to negotiate the next year's contract with their school boards. This isn't a bad thing. It's a long process, but in most cases an amicable one. I mean, after all, the school board and the teachers should have the same goals. (Ideally.) Before the Luna laws, there were certain parts of the giant contracts (try reading one sometime!) that the school boards and the teachers could agree would just be collectively okayed, because it was stuff they knew would not be an issue. The Luna laws took that away, essentially forcing everyone to spend more time on working out contracts, rather than teaching students.

The ads I've heard in support of Props 1, 2, and 3 make it sound like a utopia in which happy teachers will be teaching happy students. But that's not what you'll find if you go into schools. You'll find demoralized teachers. Many of the best ones have left the profession since these laws passed. The online requirements? There won't even be a teacher in the room, just an aide to monitor the kids and help with technical issues. A babysitter.

The Boise School Board, which administers the best schools in the state, and includes several nationally ranked public high schools, is against these propositions. Because, as educators and parents, they understand these ideas are bad education policy.

One more thing about Luna. When he ran for office the first time, he had no experience in education, nor even a Bachelor's degree. He got a fly-by-night degree in order to run. When he ran for re-election, he never mentioned these laws, never suggested he had some "reform" in mind, which I think was unethical and dishonest to the voters of Idaho.

It's not just the union that doesn't want these laws. Almost everyone I talk to who understands the educational system is against Props 1, 2, and 3. I am an outspoken critic of the public education system, while at the same time I support and love the magnificent, difficult, and thankless work of the teachers who spend their lives working with our kids. They are awesome. And so I will vote NO on Prop 1, 2, 3.

Next, I'd like to address the congressional race between Mike Simpson, the long-time incumbent in my district, and Nichole LeFavour, who worked in the Idaho legislature for many years for my district 19. Many people tend to vote for the incumbent, just because it's a familiar name. And a lot of people don't think of Mike Simpson as a bad guy. Not even me. I don't like most of his positions and his votes, but I don't usually think of him as an outright liar and unethical person (as I do with Romney, but I digress). However, Nicole LeFavour is SO MUCH MORE than Mike Simpson. She works so hard to bring justice to those who have no other voice: the disabled, the uninsured, the minorities, the poor. She supports education, families, and a strong economy. She even says she will vote for ideas that she think are good, even if they come from the other party. How refreshing is that? Nicole has campaigned hard, and a lot of people think her chances in the  election are slim. But during debates, Mike Simpson was patronizing toward her, even rude. He acts as if he doesn't have to treat her with respect merely because he thinks he has the election wrapped up and delivered. I don't like it when people act that way. He's been a jerk, plain and simple. Nicole is a person of integrity, respect, and common sense. Even when she was ignored and voted against most of the time in the Idaho legislature, she did not lash out, become mean, or lose her temper. She treated her fellow representatives and senators with respect. That is something I think we need more of in politics today. It used to be there, but the polarization and deep rifts in political extremes have erased that. Nicole will help bring it back.

Before I move on to the presidential vote, I want to mention something I just heard was on the ballot this week. It's a constitutional amendment in Idaho that purports to protect the rights of hunters, fishermen, and other sportsmen in Idaho. I have nothing against these activities. However, I don't think they need constitutional protection in Idaho. I mean, it's Idaho, people. There will always be hunting, fishing, outdoor recreation. We should probably be more worried about the natural resources that allow for those activities being destroyed. So I'm going to vote NO on that. Not because I hate hunters. I don't.

Now onto the presidential election, which is pretty much a moot point by now. But I'll have my say anyhow. First of all, if you vote based on what the candidate promises to do and you actually expect him/her to get that all done, you're an idiot. Since when has a political candidate been able to achieve and give you everything they promised? A president especially. They have to wrangle with Congress over everything, so there will be some things that don't get finished. That said, you should look at the records of the candidates. Obama inherited the worst deficit ever, created entirely by the Bush administration. (We had a surplus under Clinton.) While he doesn't claim this as an excuse, I do. And we have come pretty far since then. The economy was tanking as Obama became president. And now it is recovering. So if you're going to vote based on the economy, you should vote for him. Romney likes to pretend he can fix the economy, but he hasn't offered any specifics, and even the state where he served as governor doesn't want him. But the economy is a useless measure when voting for the president, as far as I am concerned. There are so many other factors that impact the economy that he has no control over, it seems ridiculous to me that so many people use that as their primary measure of presidential success. Economies will do what economies do, and the way I understand it, the president can try to make policies that will help it, policies that will encourage job creation, but in the long run, the president does not control the economy.

So look at the voting records of the candidates. Look at the way they work. Look at the parties endorsing them. If I were a republican right now, I would be running so far away from them, I might exceed the speed of sound. It's a damaged party. There are too many fractions, too many extremists, and too many people who believe in legislating their religion onto others. And Romney spent the entire primary season trying to appease those nut jobs. Now that he won the primaries, he has reverted back to what he used to say. So what to believe? Who knows? Romney will look you in the eye and tell you that something he said yesterday he never said. Even if he looked you in the eye yesterday and said it to you. He will say anything that will get him elected. I find this terrifying. Regardless of his policies or party. Anyone who will say anything that will get them elected is scary. And unethical. (Sense a theme, here? I would love to see more ethical behavior in politics. Don't laugh. It can be done. We have the power of the vote, and we can vote for ethical people, so it's really on us.) Romney makes up things. Doesn't have specifics. Implemented Obamacare in his own state, and now claims it's horrible. I don't think he really knows what he's doing. And apparently none of his constituents from Mass do either, because nobody there wants him to be president. Hmmm. Curious.

The stories about Romney's incompetence abound, but here's one from the disaster of Sandy this week. Romney wanted to look good, so he was in Ohio (where the disaster didn't impact anyone) collecting food and emergency supplies. They didn't get enough donations, so his staff went out and bought some stuff. Good for them. But they didn't buy it just to fill the trucks. He's just not that nice. When people came to help, they were given some of the items to "donate" so Romney would look good to the media. It's all show with him. Not genuine caring.

What I'd really love to see is all those republicans in the house and senate, now that they have no more need to vote against Obama to make him a one-term president, actually spend the next four years trying to work with Obama and each other to actually accomplish stuff that will make life in the U.S. better for everyone, especially those who need it the most (meaning everyone but the 1%).

So that's how I plan to vote. I encourage everyone reading this to vote--according to your own beliefs and values. It is the most precious right we have. And you have no grounds to complain if you don't vote.

I also encourage commentary and discussion here, but I require that it be kept civil. And if you are going to spout an opinion, you better be able to back it up. Don't just repeat lies. Prove what you say, and have a nice discussion.